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Entrée: How Do I Love Thee? by Louise Morganti Kaelin
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I was recently having a conversation with a client about relationships and we uncovered an interesting fact: Sometimes, the way we need to show love isn't the way that others need to feel love.
I'm sure there are many books written on this subject, but we came up with a simple way to find out how the other important people in your life get to feel loved. Just pay attention to how they show love to you.
For the most part, we know what makes us feel loved, so we assume that is true for everyone else. When we encounter others we love, we show them our love by what works for us. Most of us don't even think about, let alone talk about it, so it's not surprising that we don't 'get' that there are different ways to show and feel loved. Some examples might be:
Here are some ideas to make use of this information:
About the author:
Author's URL: http://www.touchpointcoaching.com
Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). Visit her website for many free resources to help you be your best self. You can sign up for her bi-monthly free newsletter (The 3-Minute Coach) which offers insightful and practical suggestions for creating and living the life you've always dreamt about by sending a blank email to email@example.com. Louise is also the author of Blueprint for Success: [101 Tips to Reclaim your Vital Energy ∓ and Get the Results You Want], available free when you subscribe to her newsletter.
Main Course: Love Right Out Loud
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“If I speak with tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.” Unless my soul is connected to my heart, what I do will not be nearly as effective – that is what the 13th chapter of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians teaches me. It goes on to instruct me not to be irritable or resentful, to rejoice in truth, to be patient, faithful, to have hope, and the strength to endure everything that life can throw at me. That is a pretty tall order.
If I close the door to what I feel, it cuts off the vital currents that activate my thoughts and actions. It also cuts off my perceptions of the dynamics behind my emotions and their purposes in my life. Emotions are currents of energy, and an awareness of these currents helps me to understand and deal with my emotions. Keeping my heart closed and disconnected also cuts me off from the emotions of others, and places a wall between those who love me and myself. Being aware of my feelings opens my heart to a path of reverence, a higher path. Love connects me to myself, to others and to the Deity in ways that the ordinary senses do not. Where my mind interprets information from my five senses, and forms some connections, love allows me to see the intimate connectedness of all things including non-physical reality.
For many years, I lived my life without much reflection, only occasionally asking myself the deeper questions of life, but not sticking around for the answers. Seriously considering the deeper meanings of my existence would have obligated me to change. I eventually became aware of the overwhelming emptiness in which I lived, and my seeming powerlessness over any of it. The first law of motion states, “a body in motion will remain in uniform motion until it is acted upon by a force.” Not allowing myself to feel prohibited those forces around me to cause a change in where I was going. Eventually, I banged into enough difficulties and dead-ends to realize that change was required of me, and it was time to stop ignoring the signs.
It was time to feel the feelings, time to learn how to nurture and love and care for myself, so that I could be of some use in the world, especially to others about whom I cared. Making only one choice was the force that was needed to cause the changes in my uniform motion on the road to nowhere, the choice to live consciously. Recognizing when you are at that sort of fork in the road is vital to one’s growth beyond the average trudge through life. There had been dark days, absent of light and love. The remedy for the absences and darkness in my life was presence and Light. It was a matter of choosing to walk the path of Light, even though it is a difficult journey, because that way leads to wholeness and peace – and love. Acquisition of authentic power requires heart.
My first order of business was to learn to recognize and fully know what I really cared about, or what I really should care about. I had to level with myself about the kinds of things I feel, and the emotions they generated. I had to allow myself to feel my Creator’s love, too. I am still learning how to show love to others in kind and patient ways, to love them fully and without expectations, to love them truly and without a thought of control, and to love them enough not to let them control me. And most of all, I had to do the work which love called upon me to do, work upon myself, and on behalf of and to the benefit of others. Being aware, recognizing, knowing, caring – living consciously – was not all there was to the process. It required me to express it – right out loud and right away.
I had stuffed feelings long enough, both the good feelings and the bad ones. Immediately clearing the books when the tally is made is just good business. Pay the bills when they come in. Expressing my love and joy for life to my Creator through prayer and patient listening to my inner voice is another thing that should not be put off until a convenient time. It should be done when the thought or the blessing or the lesson comes to me. Right now, and right out loud. One’s faith or love may go without saying, but it should never go unexpressed. Affirmations of what I want to attract to my life, what I believe in, what and whom I love, gathers so much authentic power to me that it is sometimes hard to comprehend. By not saying these affirmations out loud, I ignore a vital, living source that the Universe uses to deliver gifts and blessings from above back to me.
If love is all there really is, it simply must be the source of our being. Do not wait until you have no voice to express it. Don’t put it off until it is too late to have a positive effect in your life and the lives of those you care about. Acknowledge the love, the feelings, the heart and the blessings in your life and the lives of those around you: say it right now – out loud.
Feel that authentic power with your heart. Then give it away!
Michael Rawls, Friday's Inspiration © 2003
Second Helping: Showing Love by Monica Beyer
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How does someone show a child that he or she is loved? Below is a list of the many things I do or did to show my children that they are loved very much.
Breastfeed. I believe that this is one of the single most important things a mother can do. Very few medical reasons exist where a mother can not possibly do this. Breastfeeding is extremely important for not only your infant's health, but for the experience you both get and the intimacy involved.
Stop smoking. The act of smoking itself does not automatically make you a bad parent, but the sacrifice you make when you cease smoking is such a great one and the benefits for both you and your entire family are irreplaceable. I stopped smoking two weeks after I discovered I was pregnant, and I thank myself every day for having the strength to stop. Yes, it is very, very difficult, but it is worth every cigarette you don't smoke.
Show affection. From the day they were born, my children have been showered with kisses, caresses, and hugs. Physical contact isn't just nice, it is very necessary for the child to thrive. This is important for not only the mother to do, but daddies, grandparents, and other family members as well. My children are affectionate and they rarely hesitate to give a kiss or a hug.
Spend quality time with them. Oh, I know how tempting it is to put your child(ren) in front of a Pooh video after a long day of working just so you can have some free time. On occasion this may be necessary to clean the house or get dinner made, but be sure to spend some time with your child only. Actually, I've found things like reading, coloring, and playing with toys to be a great stress reliever. Being preoccupied with work, school, or other out-of-home activities while you play doesn't count. Focus on your kids!
Spend quality time by yourself. On the heels of the last one we have a command to take care of yourself as well as your kids. After the bedtime routine is over and the kids are in bed, do yourself a favor. Read a book or magazine. Take a longer than usual bath. Take a walk. Light a candle or diffuse some essential oils.
Never ignore your child when he/she is in distress. This counts for all children. Babies require the most maintenance. Never let your newborn cry unnecessarily. Babies that age cannot be spoiled, especially with love. As your child grows older, he or she will learn to manipulate you into getting things they covet. Still, you should never make an assumption such as this until after you've checked if he's hurt, sad, frightened, or just wanting a hug.
Be patient. It's when we, as parents, run out of patience that we do things we normally wouldn't do, like speak sharply and hurtfully to our children. Learn relaxation techniques, like breathing deeply, and go with the flow. Nobody ever said that parenting was an easy or stress-free job. We just need to keep our feelings in check and take care of ourselves.
About the author:
Monica Beyer is the mother of three children: Lauren is 6 months old, Corbin is 4 years old and Dagan is 7 years old. Her websites include http://www.signingbaby.com and http://www.naturalmommy.com
Soup to Nuts: From the feedback button
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Larry De La Rosa wrote "Please inspire me!" in his subscription email to InboxInspirations. Inspire yourself! with this no-frills morning email, containing a quote from Friday's Inspiration, each Monday thru Thursday. Just click the InboxInspirations link to subscribe.
"My Birthday Wish for Michael [ed.: I turn 53 this year]
"I want you to be happy, really happy, each and every day of your life. I want you to have the type of true friendships that are treasures ... that are lasting and forever. I want you to have dreams, incredible dreams and goals and have the ones for your Highest Good come true. I wish you contentment: the sweet, quiet, inner kind that comes around and never goes away. May the words you listen to, be the ones you need to hear. I wish you insight to see your true inner and outer beauty, and I want you to share your wisdom with many and not hide your unique, magnificent Light.
"I want you to have your good times be even better, and your hard times be much easier to handle. I want to remind you that the sun may disappear for a while, but it is shining behind the clouds and will always return. I want you to have many times when you sing, you dance, you hug, and you laugh out loud. May a cheerful, serene face lovingly look back at you when you look into your mirror, each and every morning.
"Thank you for all the gifts of beauty, joy, laughter, support, wisdom, and understanding that you bring to this World... Thank you for being here. You make a difference. A difference to your family, to your friends, to many people including me. With Best Regards, C. F. Sandy Pofahl, Editor, 52Best - The Best Once a Week"
I will keep that in mind while I am gasping for breath after blowing out the candles! All of you make a difference, too. Happy Thanksgiving! God bless us, every one...
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Just Desserts: Also Highly Recommended
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