When we make amends, we need to be clear about what we are apologizing for and the best way to say we're sorry. What we are really doing with our amends is taking responsibility for our behavior. We need to be sure that the process itself will not be self-defeating or hurtful.
Sometimes, we need to directly apologize for a particular thing we have done or our part in a problem.
Other times, instead of saying "I'm sorry," what we need to do is work on changing our behavior with a person.
There are times when bringing up what we have done and apologizing for it will make matters worse.
We need to trust timing, intuition, and guidance in this process of making amends. Once we become willing, we can let go and tackle our amends in a peaceful, consistent, harmonious way. If nothing feels right or appropriate, if it feels as if what we are about to do will cause a crisis or havoc, we need to trust that feeling.
Attitude, honesty, openness, and willingness count here. In peace and harmony, we can strive to clear up our relationships.
We deserve to be at peace with ourselves and others.Today, I will be open to making any amends I need to make with people. I will wait for Divine Guidance in the process of making any amends that are not clear to me. I will act, when led. God, help me let go of my fear about facing people and taking responsibility for my behaviors. Help me know I am not diminishing my self-esteem by doing this; I am improving it.
-Melody Beatte, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents©1990
I was fortunate to hear from my oldest son this week. He directed me to his webpage, where he represents himself as an actor and comedian. He is the former host of a Sunday morning TV show in Phoenix, AZ, and has been featured in local plays, done some modeling for Sports Illustrated, and in general has given me much to be proud of. He and I have been relatively out of touch for many years, and this was a breakthrough conversation for us. It gave me a chance to say some things I have needed, for a very long time, to say to him.
Apologies are not always accepted, forgiveness is not always forthcoming. When the time is right, the opportunity presents itself. We make the best of it, or we don't. But once we have done our best, it is out of our hands. The issue becomes theirs, and nothing we do will speed up the process. We never know where it will all land when it comes down. I deserve to be at peace with him. I hope he knows that.
(What a handsome child he is! - if you can call a 26-year-old a child. It's a good thing he doesn't look like me.)
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