Say It Right Now, Out Loud

Open your eyes before it is too late! Not all who see have opened their eyes, nor all who look, see. To realize something too late brings no relief, only sorrow. Some start to see when there is nothing left to see: they lost their homes and affairs before they found themselves.

--Baltasar Gracián (1601-1658) – Aphorism 230, The Art of Worldly Wisdom (A Pocket Oracle)

Aunt Verna was more like a grandmother than a great-aunt to me. You see, Mom's Mom, my grandmother, died when I was still a baby. Aunt Verna became, as Mom's says, "the closest thing to a Mother I had after Mom died." I have many memories of my Aunt Verna and her late husband Wilbur. I remember going to their home eating well, enjoying fellowship, and feeling love there. There has never been a doubt in my mind that my Aunt Verna loved me.

Several weeks ago, as I stood over my great-aunt's bed seeing her alive for what would be the final time, the last thing she said to me was "I love you". I can't honestly say if she ever told me before or not, but I can tell you these words will be my most powerful and lasting memory of her.

I was sitting in a restaurant speaking with an old friend about our families and life and raising our children. Doug has one son who lives very close to him and another, younger son, who lives a plane flight away. I asked how his relationship with John was going and he said very well. He said even when there are rough spots in the relationship, John knows when they see each other the first thing that his Dad will do is hug him and tell him he loves him. He went on to say that the same routine plays out when they say goodbye, and on the phone, minus the hug. Then Doug made the statement that gave me goose bumps, as it so beautifully describes one of my life beliefs. He said, "You see Kevin, it may go without saying, but it shouldn't go unsaid."

Other Experiences

Many years ago I had the opportunity to first take, and then assist with the Dale Carnegie course. Part of the program is that every week of the fourteen-week program, each participant gives a short "speech". Those speeches become more honest, more personal and more emotional as the weeks pass. Both in the group I participated in, and in the groups I assisted with, this lesson came through loud and clear. People spoke of others in their lives they never told they loved or never heard those words from. Some of those speakers spoke of those who had already passed away. Other spoke of people still alive. The regret from each was real. Some still had time to make amends.

Away From Home

The examples I have shared are all about close friend or family relationships. While the application of this truth may have the most meaning in those areas of your life, applying the lesson to your closest personal relationships may not be your challenge. Your challenge may be at work. You may work with people who you trust implicitly, believe in totally, and value greatly. Maybe you assume they know how you feel. Perhaps they do and perhaps they don't. Either way, the message of this essay is clear. "It may go without saying, but it shouldn't go unsaid". Think about how the message applies for you - with family, friends, peers, employees, and everyone in your life.


Your message may be "I love you." It may be "I trust you." It may be "I honor your commitment." It may be nearly any authentic, affirming statement that you assume the other person knows. Sometimes they do understand. Even when we do understand we still need to hear things said. In other cases however, the people we assume know, do not. The need to speak the unspoken to them is even more imperative.

You may say, "I tell those close to me that I love them all the time." Tell them once more. We've all heard stories of those who didn't get the chance to tell people one last time. Tell the people you love that you love them every time you see them. Make your kids almost tired of hearing you say the words.

If this essay has spoken to you, don't delay. The time to speak those unspoken words is now. Pick up the phone. Get up from your desk. Walk down the hall or to the other room. Tell them let them know how you feel. It may go without saying, but please don't let it go unsaid.

Kevin :)

 Kevin Eikenberry

Kevin Eikenberry is President of The Discian Group which offers training for businesses in change management, team building and strategic planning in a dynamic learning environment. He is author of Powerquotes , a daily subscription service for business and life motivational quotes. This article is contributed to Friday's Inspiration by the author, to whom we express our appreciation. It is a reprint from Vantagepoints Volume 5 - Issue 6 (ISSN 1524-6841), COPYRIGHT © 2001 The Discian Group Web Family


Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only what you are expecting to give – which is everything. What you receive in turn varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving. If you are lucky, you may be loved back. That is delicious, but it does not necessarily happen.

--Katherine Hepburn

“If I speak with tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal… Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude… And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.” Unless my soul is connected to my heart, what I do will not be nearly as effective – that is what the 13th chapter of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians teaches me. It goes on to instruct me not to be irritable or resentful, to rejoice in truth, to be patient, faithful, to have hope, and the strength to endure everything that life can throw at me. That is a pretty tall order. If I close the door to what I feel, it cuts off the vital currents that activate my thoughts and actions. It also cuts off my perceptions of the dynamics behind my emotions and their purposes in my life. Emotions are currents of energy, and an awareness of these currents helps me to understand and deal with my emotions. Keeping my heart closed and disconnected also cuts me off from the emotions of others, and places a wall between those who love me and myself. Being aware of my feelings opens my heart to a path of reverence, a higher path. Love connects me to myself, to others and to the Deity in ways that the ordinary senses do not. Where my mind interprets information from my five senses, and forms some connections, love allows me to see the intimate connectedness of all things including non-physical reality.

For many years, I lived my life without much reflection, only occasionally asking myself the deeper questions of life, but not sticking around for the answers. Seriously considering the deeper meanings of my existence would have obligated me to change. I eventually became aware of the overwhelming emptiness in which I lived, and my seeming powerlessness over any of it. The first law of motion states, “a body in motion will remain in uniform motion until it is acted upon by a force.” Not allowing myself to feel prohibited those forces around me to cause a change in where I was going. Eventually, I banged into enough difficulties and dead-ends to realize that change was required of me, and it was time to stop ignoring the signs. It was time to feel the feelings, time to learn how to nurture and love and care for myself, so that I could be of some use in the world, especially to others about whom I cared. Making only one choice was the force that was needed to cause the changes in my uniform motion on the road to nowhere, the choice to live consciously. Recognizing when you are at that sort of fork in the road is vital to one’s growth beyond the average trudge through life. There had been dark days, absent of light and love. The remedy for the absences and darkness in my life was presence and Light. It was a matter of choosing to walk the path of Light, even though it is a difficult journey, because that way leads to wholeness and peace – and love. Acquisition of authentic power requires heart.

My first order of business was to learn to recognize and fully know what I really cared about, or what I really should care about. I had to level with myself about the kinds of things I feel, and the emotions they generated. I had to allow myself to feel my Creator’s love, too. I am still learning how to show love to others in kind and patient ways, to love them fully and without expectations, to love them truly and without a thought of control, and to love them enough not to let them control me. And most of all, I had to do the work which love called upon me to do, work upon myself, and on behalf of and to the benefit of others. Being aware, recognizing, knowing, caring – living consciously – was not all there was to the process. It required me to express it – right out loud and right away. I had stuffed feelings long enough, both the good feelings and the bad ones. Immediately clearing the books when the tally is made is just good business. Pay the bills when they come in. Expressing my love and joy for life to my Creator through prayer and patient listening to my inner voice is another thing that should not be put off until a convenient time. It should be done when the thought or the blessing or the lesson comes to me. Right now, and right out loud. One’s faith or love may go without saying, but it should never go unexpressed. Affirmations of what I want to attract to my life, what I believe in, what and whom I love, gathers so much authentic power to me that it is sometimes hard to comprehend. Not saying these affirmations out loud is to ignore a vital, living source that the Universe uses to deliver gifts and blessings from above back to me.

If love is all there really is, it simply must be the source of our being. Do not wait until you have no voice to express it. Don’t put it off until it is too late to have a positive effect in your life and the lives of those you care about. Acknowledge the love, the feelings, the heart and the blessings in your life and the lives of those around you: say it right now – out loud.

Feel that authentic power with your heart. Then give it away!



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