Doing It Right
--Leonard Bernstein
As a young man, my father went to New York with a dream of becoming
an opera singer. He was thrilled when he got a part in the chorus of the
Metropolitan Opera. After he and my mother were married, the Depression hit,
and he took a job as a secretary in a small commercial real estate firm to make
ends meet. Within a few years, he became a partner in the firm. He threw all
the passion he had for music into his new career. He initiated bold, innovative
and very successful deals, such as the sale of Ebbot's Field, home of the New
York Dodgers. He received an award once for "Creative Realtor of the
Year." Normally, one associates creativity in that business with something
less than virtue, but for my father it wasn't like that. He had a reputation as
a man of integrity.
One time a client was visiting, and we all went to the beach on
Long Island. As he sat beside my mother on the sand, he talked about the
excellent deal my father had negotiated for him. Then he laughed and said,
"There's only one thing wrong with your husband. He's too honest." My
mother replied, "Would you take your business to anyone else?"
When my father was 82, dying of cancer, we received a deeper
awareness of what made him tick. For three days, the family held vigil while he
was in a deep coma. Suddenly his voice rang out: "All your life you wander
in search of meaning and then, at the end, at the core, there is only the
covenant." He had spoken on rare occasions in his life of the covenant
between humanity and God. In death, it was his only remaining passion.
-Linda
Kavelin Popov, Sacred Moments – Daily Meditations on the Virtues ©1996
--Spencer Johnson
It is easier to be good when people are watching, isn’t it? It
takes confidence in one’s self, and an enormous amount of character to toe the
line when no one is around. “What you see is what you get,” Flip Wilson would
comment, and that is as it should be. Self-esteem is the natural by-product of
a good character. And good character is essential to integrity. Expectations
are not always a good thing to have, because they can be disappointing when
they are not met. But in order to travel the high road, an individual must have
some self-expectations in order to be on that path in the first place. They lay
down the rules for their own life, how they choose to live it, what they will
and will not compromise. No matter who is watching. Integrity can be annoying
to those individuals who have not raised the bar for their own thoughts and
actions, but that is not the point. Lack of integrity in my own self can be annoying,
and will hound me in the quiet moments. Honesty is always the best policy,
especially when I reflect upon my own decisions and actions.
By walking “with integrity of the heart” in ways and in places that
do not place the individual in jeopardy of forfeiting their integrity, Psalm
101 in the Old Testament says we may study “the way that is blameless.” One does
not fall off the cliff if one does not walk near the edge, now, do they? I need
to eliminate from my daily activities those kinds of choices that threaten my
principals. When I come to a complete understanding that I really do create my own
reality, I will stop creating tests for myself that I am bound to fail. My soul
will evolve beyond those shortcomings in my character and actions that are
based on fear rather than love. I will be free of my feelings of anger, regret,
embarrassment, shame and sorrow. The healing journey of my soul leads me to
create situations where I may learn that love is everything, and that love is
all there really is. I can either learn through doubt and fear, or I can learn
through the exercise of wisdom.
The bottom line here is this: my self, the wholeness of my
personality, does pretty well if all within is harmonious. It doesn’t do so well
if it is asked to tolerate self-deception (to paraphrase Carl Jung). My life
seems to smooth out when I release self-deceptions and move toward wholeness. If
I were to consider buying a house, one of the first things I would check would
be the foundation. Only a foolish man would build his spiritual house upon sand,
and I would be truly foolish to have, at the center of my character, those
qualities that may appear grand, but have no real foundation. I don’t need to
be a perfectionist about what I say or do, but it would certainly profit me to
feel as strongly as Leonard Bernstein, insisting that I check out thoroughly,
that I be consistent and trustworthy, especially to myself. Keep in mind that
this process is not meant to please others, but to purify my own
environment, to help shed my illusions while listening to Spirit, all the while
standing on solid ground. It is the long and arduous, but necessary, struggle
to pass from slavery to freedom, from degradation and ignorance to civilization
and enlightenment, from spiritual bondage to spiritual liberty. A life of
virtue is not one of ease, but of constant struggle! And, yet…
It is human to make mistakes and have failings. I must therefore treat
myself with compassion, and not be excessively hard on myself when I do fail. Confucius taught that we should emulate that
which we deem noble in others, but when we see failings in others, we should
examine ourself thoroughly. It takes courage to examine situations in which I
find myself, and ask the hard questions:
·
What’s my part in this mess?
·
What can I change in me to improve the situation?
Acting upon honest answers to these questions (like, “it’s probably
just me!”) may require changes in myself, in spite of my fears and discomforts.
Shame and guilt should play no part in this process. Rather, honest examination
and acting with personal integrity fosters a personal responsibility and
accountability for my actions and choices. Making those kind of changes may not
just be necessary, but could be a healthy dollop of good sense in the bargain.
Good sense motivates me to do the right thing, and courage helps me to persist
because behaving with character is difficult. Fear of the consequences
is going to be there, whether I act or not, so following through can only have the
positive effect of creating a situation for learning and personal growth. If I
am creating my own reality, I might as well do my utmost to discern the integrity
of what I am called to create, even when I need answer to no one but myself.
Because, if I don’t take the time to do it right, I’ll just have to
take the time to do it over. Again.
Michael
email: Michael@N-Spire.com
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