Symbols, Images and their Alleged Victims
We must travel in the direction of our fear.--John Berryman
As long as you are a victim, you cannot see the lesson. In fact, you may not want to see the lesson. You want an explanation! You want the whys answered, but no matter what anyone says, you will not believe it because you don't trust anyone. As a victim you cannot admit that you have grown and are growing in response to your experience. Rather than choosing to see and celebrate your own growth, you choose hurt, anger fear, indignation and self-righteousness. In fact, the taste of anger is probably rising in your throat right now because you don't trust that any other knows how horrible it was for you. Nor do you trust that anyone other than you understands how that horror is still very active in your life. They do. They also realize that the reason you cannot let go of being a victim is because to do so means deciding for yourself what else you can be. And victims do not trust that they can do that.
Until today, you may have been singing a victim song so loud that you did not realize that there is a redemption song. Just for today, trust yourself enough to sing your own praises about how far you have come, how much you have done, how much more you are willing to do, in spite of all you have experienced.
I
f you have ever thought of yourself as a victim, you will have difficulty trusting yourself, God or anyone else. As long as you are a victim you will have someone to blame, someone to hold accountable for what went on and what is going on in your life. Sure, something unpleasant happened! That was then, this is now. There is no need for you to remain a victim. As long as you are a victim you can take no share of the responsibility for who you are, what you do or how you feel. You see, victims do not respond in choice, they react in fear. As long as you are in fear, you cannot trust.
-Iyanla Vanzant, Until Today! - Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind ©2000
[It] has to do with how we connect to one another as human beings. For me the spiritual path has to do with that journey from the fearful places in myself to the loving places in myself. God is love. God is the love inside of us. That Higher Power is the essence of what it means to be human.--Marianne Williamson
Our subconscious mind processes symbols, and our conscious mind processes images, according to Freud and others. Many of our childhood memories have left the realm of images, vivid though they may have once been, and have blended themselves into symbols of shame, violence, neglect or abuse, any of these to a greater or lesser degree in an individual's life. My early life was spent in a loving but dysfunctional family, and those symbols ingrained deep patterns in my behavior and became the focus of many of the poor choices I have made since moving out on my own. When these "symbols" are processed back out of the subconscious, and into the conscious as an experience against which I compare a new choice or situation (image), this powerful awareness of the conscious or mental mind wants to force some sort of structure and order on what is going on, in order to make some sense of what is happening. Those images which are perceived as familiar and comfortable are identified as an acceptable part of my life, while those things that are fearful or threatening and challenging are approached with suspicion or disbelief, or brushed away in denial or avoidance. This comparison process works great while driving a car or some other habitual and familiar tasks, but the mind is capable of misinterpreting what it sees, too. Those symbols may not be the best yardstick by which to measure my days, but they are there, and it is hard to get out of the habit of using them.
Psychologists call this process "behavior," while I consider it much like being in a rut, especially when it comes to the more destructive and dark sides of this process. Once patterns like this are established, they are difficult to alter. So, rather than trying to destroy patterns which are symbol-based, it's best that I apprehend and try to modify them where possible. I have spoken before of the analogy of personal attributes and patterns being like bricks composing the spiritual building blocks of my life, and replacing the faulty ones rather than leaving gaping holes where they were removed or missing. Nevertheless, these behaviors, these patterns both limit me, and empower me. I have heard this idea before, my inner voice counsels me, but do I really understand these concepts? Well, perhaps, but... It is vital that I challenge this and all perceptive information in my own thought processes, not just comparing it to the same old familiar symbols! By reexamining beliefs and studying the subtleties of spiritual insight (for instance), an individual who lives their life consciously challenges their perception and mental awareness to broaden it's base of information. Thus, I gain inner proof and deeper understanding. This stuff works in Real Life, amazingly enough.
One of the strongest and most persistent perceptions I challenged was that I was somehow responsible for the happiness of others, or that I was unworthy of happiness for myself. I had blamed circumstances or other people for the choices I had made, resisting an accountability for my behavior, and feeling guilty nonetheless. Guilt made me feel ashamed, and it multiplies! I broke out of that destructive process by realizing that I had programmed myself to be a victim by using those distorted but powerful symbols, and understanding that even my most irresponsible actions don't have to shadow me for long if I ask for guidance to learn the lesson. That didn't relieve me of the responsibility for the action, but it chased away the useless guilt and let the experience serve a useful purpose. It allowed me to move on and grow.
Paying attention to our own patterns, even in the small routines of daily life, shows us just how rigid we can be in our actions or beliefs. Challenging ourself to take a different route to work, we may recall that we made that resolution only after we arrive by taking the same route we always do. Patterns are hard to change unless the desire to do so is very strong. Many of the most successful people became such only after they discarded their victim paradigm, their beliefs about their self and their capabilities, and escaped the confines and limits that those beliefs placed upon them. They got out of the rut of their own patterns of thinking. They elevated their mental processes above and beyond the symbols and embraced the challenge of new images for the lessons they held in store.
John Berryman tells us to travel in the direction of our fears, while Marianne Williamson says we must journey from them. I reconcile both of these ideas by visualizing myself traveling from them only after I have traveled through them. Until I face the patterns and understand them in their essence and their source, I continue to have those fears, the guilt and the shame, no matter which direction my life takes me. Moving in the direction of those fears means an uphill climb at first, but it eventually levels out above the clouds of symbols from my life gone by, and opens up broad vistas of loving opportunities, placed there by a Universe which desires only my growth through a liberal education in the School of Life.
I refuse to think of myself as a victim of my personal symbols or images! Where a fence separates me and a gate opposes me, I need only realize that I have the Key to it all, and simply walk on through.
Beyond the obstacles which I find upon my Path exists the true and loving places in myself.
Michael
email: Michael@N-Spire.com
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