Entrée: That Which
is Missing by Gay
Hendricks
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Who are you most sure of in your life? What is trust - and can you trust it? Today your work is to look at your relationships under the gentle - but bright - light of the truth. Who is most central to you, and to whom are you most central? Are they the same people? What most defines these central relationships in which you are involved? If trust truth, and acceptance are not the defining features of these relationships, it is time to begin rethinking and redrawing them. You have the ability - and the absolute right - to do so.
Think of two or three of the most significant relationships in your life. Think of the dominant emotional tone of each relationship: joy, fear, love, despair. Then, zoom in to a closer focus: What is missing in each of these relationships? Sometimes what's missing is laughter; other times it's accountability. Only you know what's missing, and until you do, it will be difficult to find out if the missing element can be found.
About the author:
Gay Hendricks received his Ph.D. in psychology from Stanford in 1974, and taught in the School of Education at the University of Colorado, retiring after 20 years of service. He is the founder of two organizations, The Hendricks Institute and the Foundation for 21st-Century Leadership. Dr. Hendricks is the author of more than 20 books, including the national bestsellers Conscious Loving and The Relationship Survival Guidebook (eBook).
Main Course: Making
Relationships
Whole
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In the process of attending to my spiritual and personal growth, I have learned that there are several things that make a person whole. Today, I asked myself - What things make relationships whole? Besides love, I mean. Love is what makes everything whole, so love is a given. Good news - I concluded that the things that make relationships whole are much the same as that which makes people whole. To name a few of the more important aspects: Trust, Respect, Creativity, Communication, Vision, Cooperation, Energy and Flexibility.
Trust - a foundation of strength
Trusting
in myself prepares me to trust other people. My interactions with people are a
source of growth and learning. If I wall myself off from them, not trusting,
fearing what I might find in them, I lose opportunities for experiencing the
power of the heart, the power of compassion. (from Trust
Completely)
Respect - a necessity of society
I have no
need to control another, nor to be controlled... It is all right to be wrong,
because sometimes I am right, all the time learning and growing from the
experience, and I don't have a need to make anyone else wrong to emphasize my
"rightness." I have respect for myself and others, and they hold me in high
esteem as a result. (from The
Stuff of Dreams)
Creativity - an environment for growth and
change
It is a good thing to be creative, and to find ways to
imagine better, nobler ways to live and enjoy life. But if creativity become a
means of escaping reality in unhealthy ways, I may miss taking notice of the
important parts of reality that do matter. In other words, it's rarely a good
thing to fantasize a difficult reality into something that it is not. (from The
Escape Hatch: An Impractical Deception)
Communication - an art of being present and
listening
Learn to ask for what you want. People are not mind
readers, and they have their own concerns. Let them know what you need from
them, and give them a choice about giving of their time and effort - they will
be more considerate of you, too! (from Living
Beyond the Opinions)
Vision - a knowledge of where each is
going
It is the duty of each, you - her - him - them - all of you
people out there, to play the part that has been wrought by our Creator, great
or small, in the lives of others. It is my duty to honor appreciate that which
each individual in my own long chain of close and more distant connections
brings to my party. (from Yes
and No: Birthright)
Cooperation - an agreement on a similar or common
course
It will take effort on both of our parts. Not cooperation
coerced from them simply because they are family, but a willing effort. Choosing
to walk this path together affords each of us the opportunity to share the load
of the other, to encourage and support each other based on a love that goes
beyond respect and trust. (from Don’t
Wait. Apologize!)
Energy - a focusing of effort and knowing when to say
"when"
I am sincere in the placement of my belief and my energy, I
am bound to learn something, and to be a better person because of it. That’s
when the cracks in my life are filled with the loving lessons that the Universe
has in store for me to acquire. I must be committed to sowing my energy in a way
that is disciplined, and be destined to do what is required of me to make good
things happen. (from Moving
Beauty)
Flexibility - a fluid process
Not all
changes work out for the best. Just because a change was right for me yesterday,
doesn't mean that is meets my needs today. People grow and change. Situations
have a dynamic to them, too. One set of circumstances can become another with
just a small modification, and flexibility is vital to my day-by-day growth and
learning process. (from Unwinding:
Travel Light and Move Fast
Michael Rawls, Friday's Inspiration © 2005
Second Helping: Slaying
The Green Eyed Monster by Sam
Stevens
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He hasn't called in hours. You call and get the roommate: "Oh, sorry ....he got in really late last night and is still asleep!"
Your mind starts racing: "What did he do last night?" Your heart starts to pound. You feel sick to your stomach.. Uh, oh... you're jealous. You feel like you can't live with yourself one more minute until you find out what is going on ... suddenly, the potential threat to the relationship becomes the most important thing in the world ... more important than eating, working or concentrating on tasks at hand. More important than ... living life itself.
According to Canadian psychiatrist Dr. Irving Walkoff, "Nobody escapes jealousy. It is a natural human reaction that finds its basis in evolutionary biology. The roots of this are ancient and Darwinian ---part of "the survival of the fittest." You see the other woman as being somehow better than you -- the assumption is that they are better at adaptation, better at seduction, a better parent ... in short are more fit to continue the species than you ... this triggers a fight or flight response in many people. Jealousy is there to protect you and your DNA -- the desire to pass on your DNA is your portal into the future."
It might be perfectly natural to experience jealousy, but in most religions, this emotion is still considered to be ugly and morally repugnant -- a feeling to be stifled with either copious amounts of prayer (Christian) or by practicing Zen detachment from object attachment (Buddhism). In the 13th century the Italian writer St. Cyrus wrote that "he who becomes jealous imitates the Devil." .
Canadian psychiatrist Dr. William Pennell Rock affirms that jealousy is a spiritual crisis. "Most people make the mistake of thinking they own another person ...your problem is not with your partner, but with a God so cruel and perverse that he would actually consider manifesting a threat that might take your partner away from you. It also doesn't help that most of us see the one we love, as our direct connection, a way of having love channeled to us from God. Unfortunately, people are fallible so that is a connection that ultimately cannot be trusted. So, is there any way of slaying The Green Eyed Monster before it rears it's ugly head and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nobody wants to stick around a green-eyed monster for long. According to Rock, one must learn the difference between attachment and love. "The truth of love is that it is unconditional. Attachment is quite different... Attachment is not care for the other; it's care for oneself. This distinction has to be understood: Are you loving? Or are you attached? If you are attached you are going to experience the pain of jealousy. It follows that jealousy becomes the opportunity to see within yourself the truth of attachment. Not theoretically understanding, but existential awareness of attachment at its very roots. Only through this awareness can jealousy really be transcended."
Marion Woodman, author of "Addicted To Perfection" says some of us choose to be jealous, simply because we are addicted to creating drama. "We will create a crisis, whether the partner is in the picture or not." That's why so many people still create scenarios about the departed partner or imagine what they might be up to months after they have been abandoned. That .It is better to be attached to a negative memory, or even torture yourself with a negative thought that links you to the partner, rather than face the abyss of being alone.
The bottom line is that a healthy person is able to choose the way they perceive any situation. Both psychiatrists and moralists describe jealousy as being crisis of faith. You are not so threatened by the fact that your partner might leave you, but more by the idea that God won't take care of you if he or she does...perhaps the best way to slay the Green Eyed Monster is to slay the ego, have faith and learn how to take care of the self.
About the author:
Sam Steven's metaphysical articles have been published in many high-standing newspapers and she has published several books. You can meet Sam Stevens at http://www.psychicrealm.com/ where she works as a professional psychic. You can also read more of her articles at http://www.newagenotebook.com where she is the staff writer. Currently she is studying technology's impact on the metaphysics.
Soup to Nuts: From the feedback
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Linda M. wrote, "I haven't received any copies of your weekly message this year. Do I need to re-register in order to get them? I know you were going away for a while. Just wondered what I should do to receive them again and hope that all is well with you." Thanks, Linda, and also to those others who sent along a personal note or called. I am well, and as happy as can be. I guess I have just been in a slump, as have been other writers (I know of three who have not published in recent months). Must be something in the air... Let's hope I can keep some momentum going.
Heather T. wrote, "You have such a passion and a gift for writing, I sincerely do hope that you spend more time doing it. I couldn't help but be happy for you in a sense being layed off because you were ironically saying you don't have any time to write. I thought that was a kind of spiritual way of you 'getting time'. But at the same time, that is excellent that you have found work so quickly. But regardless, if you were layed off, you could have collected unemployment for a year, I imagine. I don't know what your financial obligations are of course... but if I could sit back in the beautiful foothills of Seattle and have a paycheck come in every two weeks... and have plenty of time to write... I would do it in a heartbeat... Good luck with your interviews... but even more luck to your writing." Thanks, Heather. I start a new job on Monday. Short term, with a possibility for more beyond that.
I spent part of this week updating the main page at Friday's Inspiration. Of special note is a more direct approach to visitors, so that they can tell at a glance what the site is all about. In the near future, the articles will be re-formatted and reorganized. With so much information available as a reference, easier navigation and access to the reference material is, most definitely, in order. I have also had a volunteer, Patti H., to help me overhaul the site. Anyone else that would like to grab a handful of articles and work on them is welcome to volunteer, too. Just drop a note to me at volunteers@N-Spire.com and I will point you in the right direction!
Lori H. reports that she has been successful in her efforts to move past her divorce, that she is in her own house, and healing from a back injury.
I am sorry to report the passing of Bob Woodyard from complications of cancer. His wife, Vicki, wishes to express her gratitude for the prayers and kind thoughts from all those concerned. Catch up with the latest news about the spiritual journey of Vicki at Nurturing the Now - Updates.
If you would like to express your concerns for loved ones, or yourself, in the form of prayer requests, send them to Prayers@N-Spire.com so we can help share the burden. Good news is welcome too! Write to Abundance@N-Spire.com and let's celebrate together!
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Peace and Light,
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